LETTER UNFOUNDED

 To whom it may concern, 

I am not afraid to die.

Am afraid of the silences am asked to fill.

Of storms am supposed to ignore.

Of days running past my eyes. 

Of happy poems I can't write.

Of rainbows disappearing in a blink of eye.

Of sadness accumulated like dirt under my fingernails.

Of bruises in lips out of love (?).

Of  raspberry stains  spread in my favorite dress. 

Of fatigued smiles of father before going to bed. 

Of unbalanced toes in a soapy bathroom floor.

Of dust settled French films in the shelf. 

Of napkins scrawled with pieces of poetry.

Of crescent moon hidden in old books.

Of  angry volcanoes prickling under the skin.

Of unwritten papers that will be recycled.

Of Hannah Baker chuckling inside me.

Of frosted ovum eggs I won't left behind.

Of cliche love story I fell into.

Of thermocol plates we feed ourselves with burgers made of our own meat. 

Of tomato sauce in colour of blood, tempting to cut myself. 

Of borrowed self love books that remain unread. 

Of flowers pressed on dead red chest of favorite actor.

Of renaissance paintings of a burning house.

Of unbreakable curses from  a mother's tongue. 

Of ugly cotton candies tasting like bile.

Of cute versions of me in other's mind.

Of chlorine smelling water in a motel's tap. 

Of yellow bulbs of sunflower which will be rotten.

Of burned oesophagus in the colour of a tulip.

Of chemical romance of my veins and pills .

Of open gates to hell where Satan stands with a ring.

Of drunk texts of best friend telling how much she loves me.

Of dehydrated pupils looking for hope in dark.

Of myself, every day 

Thank you.

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